I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
