i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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