I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
