I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
