I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
