dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I would ride that face into the sunset
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
