If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
