Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
