A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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