as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I did not marry a roomba.
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