Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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