It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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