Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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