The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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