I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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