i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
