just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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