Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
