we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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