Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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