He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
