forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
