This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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