the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
