i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
