watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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