just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
