Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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