yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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