is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
