I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
