You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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