So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
