It's like a parade of train wrecks.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
