Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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