I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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