don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
