Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
