for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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