So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
