i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
