Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
