yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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