naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
