you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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