I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
