Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
