so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
