Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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