new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
