Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
